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Land of the Q
05/21/13 4:19 pm
On Saturday
evening I had the pleasure of great conversation and a couple of
drinks with some friends. The conversation was for the most
part pretty typical at the beginning of the evening; catching up on
life and sharing stories of what has been happening since the last
time we all connected. Lots of laughter and even a few quiet
moments of sadness, but all in all a very good night that
eventually ended with hugs and promises not to let so much time go
by before the next time we connected.
During the
course of the conversation the subject turned, as it inevitably
does, to the Q Hall of Fame and Q Ball. Lots of excitement
expressed over it being in Toronto for the first time and questions
about how the planning was taking shape. Then one simple
comment that seemed to change the entire dynamic of the
conversation that evening and one that has stuck in the back of my
mind ever since.
"It is so nice to have an event in the community that is not just about loud music, getting sweaty, doing 'E', and sex. Why is it that sex seems to be so... central... to gay men and our community?"
That statement has really got me thinking, and so I asked a question... Is our LGBT Community too focused on sex?
I typically don't go out anymore, work is busy and I find that clubbing is a younger man's sport. No, my life is pretty sedate by some people's standards - although pretty perfect for me. If I really think about it however, the big social events that I go to, the black tie events, are in the straight community. Unless I want to go to a bar, there doesn't really seem to be much out there for a 40 year old gay man who wants a good social life. If I want to meet someone special, it is again either the bars or online - both of which inevitably seem to be used more as pick up sites than for dating. Yes there are sports leagues, like baseball and bowling, but what if your interests lie elsewhere? Are there no social options outside of the 'usual' hook up scenes?
I did a
little investigating and I am hard pressed to find something
outside of the standards. On the surface it really seems to
be all about ending up between the sheets. Even a site as
mundane as Craigslist is mostly a pick up site - can you imagine
that there are some under the platonic relationship category that
are overtly looking to hook up!?! What has this world come
too? Are we as a community so focused on the sex part of
sexual orientation that we have allowed sex to override our sense
of what else is out there?
Then it
dawned on me... not everyone is, and that is exactly what Q Ball
offers people when they attend. This event is not about sex,
it is about our community and our history. A chance to don a
tux or a stunning gown, and have an evening filled with elegance
and grace. One that represents a side of our lives that seems
to be drowned out by the constant barrage of sexual innuendo we are
surrounded with. In the end I believe that there are far more
gay men in this world that are like me than not. Men who are
professionals, with careers, families and a desire to experience
more of what life has to offer than can be found in a bar or an
online dating site. The difference is that for people like
us, we don't have the options to meet that are available to
others... YET.
As a
community we need to step up and start having more events that
allow and cater to this ever growing segment. Let the youth
have the clubs, the 'E', and the hot sweaty crowded parties - we
had our turn, and it was fun while it lasted, boy was it ever...
but it's time to pass it on.
The slang of fighting for equality
05/21/13 11:18 am
Around the
world today there continues to be great debate at different levels
of government about the call from our own LGBT Community to have
the right to marry. Most people, I believe, understand that
marriage is a way to formally recognize the commitment between two
people who love each other. It is the act of publicly
declaring their love for each other and reaffirming their devotion
to the relationship. The community is not asking that people
give up their own rights, or event sacrifice the way they live
their lives - what is being asked is quite simple... that as human
beings we receive equality in all things.
I have never
understood why someone would be so opposed to marriage equality, or
other, non intrusive calls for equality. My right to marry
does not change another person's life - you still get up each
morning, you still go to work, you still spend time with your
family and friends, you still put your pants on the same way you
did the day before. My choosing to marry another man does not
impact the life of a person who lives on the other side of the
world, across the country, the city, down the block, or even right
next door. The fact of the matter is... you would not even
know my sexual preference unless I told you - and it really is none
of your business. Just as your sexual escapades are none of
mine. As former Prime Minister and Q Hall of Fame inductee,
Pierre Elliott Trudeau, once said: "The state has no place in the
bedrooms of the nation". Take it a step further; the truth is
that I have no place in the bedroom of my neighbour.
Today we are
seeing a push by various religions around the world to ban same sex
marriage, they claim that it is an affront to 'God', 'Allah', or
what ever deity is at the helm. They are hiding behind
religious doctrine (not faith) to justify their wanton public
displays of hatred against another human being. Each has the
right to express their faith, but if in doing so they suppress the
right to experience the freedom of equality of another human being;
has religion just become a shield behind which they can hide as
they express hatred? I have to ask myself... How does the
action of one person doing something in their private life, that
does not involve the offended, truly affect the life of another so
intensely and deeply?
I could
understand if what was being asked for would fundamentally change
the way you lived your life - perhaps if you had to give up your
home or your job, or worse yet your own freedoms. That simply
is not the case. Life will move on, society will not suddenly
crumble, men and women will still have families. The world
will continue to turn. So why is it that there are some who
are so terrified of the advent of the apocalypse simply because a
man can marry a man, or a woman a woman? What drives this
deep rooted intolerance for our fellow human beings?
Does their
own intolerance then justify the movement in our own community that
condemns these religious factions and our own displays of
intolerance? I have been reading about and hearing more
derogatory slang being used to describe people who oppose equal
marriage. In our own effort to achieve the freedoms and
equality which as human beings we are entitled, are we becoming
that which we fight against? Does the development of our own
extremist faction balance our oppositions, or does it provide
fodder for those that are working so hard to suppress our
rights?
I believe
that if we want to achieve the equality that is so desperately
needed around the world, we need to demonstrate tolerance. We
need to show the world that ours is a community of loving,
intelligent, and compassionate people. It is not for us to
put up with the rude and offense behaviors of another, and we have
the right to call attention to those that would do us harm.
We have the right to express ourselves and to achieve equality -
what we seek is a part of the human condition.
In our zeal
we need to be cautious that we do not turn to hatred as a fuel for
our cause. Let our lives be defined by the good that we do,
and not by the hatred perpetuated by the use of derogatory
slang. Leave that Neanderthal behavior to our naysayers and
let them be defined by their crudeness and incivility. We are
better than that.
05/16/13 3:35 pm
Imagine the
1950's... Hoop skirts, hot rods, mom at home and every household
single income, 2.5 kids and a car in every driveway. The war
was a memory and everything seemed to be going just right for most
people in Canada. The advent of television and kids hanging
out at the malt shops that dotted the land, drive up dining, drive
in theaters, and the culture of the car... Life was good - it was
peaceful. Social unrest had not found its way into the minds
of most people... yet.
Not so easy if you identified as gay or lesbian back then however. If you knew someone who was "Gay" well... they were sick - it was a disease. Much easier to put them in a hospital and cure them of this illness by shocking the "gay" out of them. Nothing a good jolt of electricity could not fix, and if that did not work... well there was always the lobotomy. A lot of families opted for some form of hospitalization or treatment, better to have a sick son than a gay one. That is if the offending party had the courage to come out and say "I am gay". For most, it was simply easier to keep it secret, locked away in the closet. To do otherwise was to risk the freedom to walk the streets.
Picture now a young man standing on the steps of the courthouse in the mid 1950's asking for equality, preaching to people who studiously avoided his look and ignored his words. Why would anyone be asking for equality? Women had the vote, unemployment was at record lows, we won the war! Our Utopian society just got its gloss back, how could anyone think that life was not... simply groovy?
Anyway, who was this upstart who was trying to shatter the illusion we had built? He's a freak, he is sick... easier to just ignore him. He'll go away... and if he doesn't the police will take care of it for us.
Now that young man, was part of a family of the rarest kind in those days. He told them he was gay and they still supported and loved him. This was not an ill person, this was their child, brother, grandson. Imagine the frustration knowing that he was not "abnormal" that he was a human being. Being yelled down was one thing, people were paying attention to him, but ignored... treated as though he did not exist... that was worse, it was more lonely.
Pay Attention to me! Look at me! I am a HUMAN BEING! Listen to me! All the cries in the world - and still he was nothing, he was ignored - discounted.
So one day, this young man did something that shocked them all. He found a way to make them pay attention, to make them listen. It was not by lighting anything on fire, or by hurting anyone. He did not vandalize, or destroy. No, this young man with the courage of lions did one simple thing that rocked people to their very cores.
He put on a dress.
So it happened that in the 1950's on the steps of the Vancouver courthouse a young man put on a dress, donned costume jewelry, painted his face and started to talk about equality for all mankind. He made sure that he did not break the law so they could not arrest him... three pieces of men's clothing he must wear, and three pieces he wore. He never took a woman's name, he was always Mr. no matter what - But there he stood in all his glory - a man in a dress.
Now they listened to him, now they paid attention.
60 years later and a lifetime of fighting for equality, they still pay attention, they still listen when he speaks. This man that is arguably the father of the gay movement in Canada, founder of the first gay march in 1963, the first gay businessman's guild, the Courts of Canada and the man that through thousands of handwritten letters convinced our government to decriminalize homosexuality. This man who is known and loved across Canada, Mr. ted northe.
Not so easy if you identified as gay or lesbian back then however. If you knew someone who was "Gay" well... they were sick - it was a disease. Much easier to put them in a hospital and cure them of this illness by shocking the "gay" out of them. Nothing a good jolt of electricity could not fix, and if that did not work... well there was always the lobotomy. A lot of families opted for some form of hospitalization or treatment, better to have a sick son than a gay one. That is if the offending party had the courage to come out and say "I am gay". For most, it was simply easier to keep it secret, locked away in the closet. To do otherwise was to risk the freedom to walk the streets.
Picture now a young man standing on the steps of the courthouse in the mid 1950's asking for equality, preaching to people who studiously avoided his look and ignored his words. Why would anyone be asking for equality? Women had the vote, unemployment was at record lows, we won the war! Our Utopian society just got its gloss back, how could anyone think that life was not... simply groovy?
Anyway, who was this upstart who was trying to shatter the illusion we had built? He's a freak, he is sick... easier to just ignore him. He'll go away... and if he doesn't the police will take care of it for us.
Now that young man, was part of a family of the rarest kind in those days. He told them he was gay and they still supported and loved him. This was not an ill person, this was their child, brother, grandson. Imagine the frustration knowing that he was not "abnormal" that he was a human being. Being yelled down was one thing, people were paying attention to him, but ignored... treated as though he did not exist... that was worse, it was more lonely.
Pay Attention to me! Look at me! I am a HUMAN BEING! Listen to me! All the cries in the world - and still he was nothing, he was ignored - discounted.
So one day, this young man did something that shocked them all. He found a way to make them pay attention, to make them listen. It was not by lighting anything on fire, or by hurting anyone. He did not vandalize, or destroy. No, this young man with the courage of lions did one simple thing that rocked people to their very cores.
He put on a dress.
So it happened that in the 1950's on the steps of the Vancouver courthouse a young man put on a dress, donned costume jewelry, painted his face and started to talk about equality for all mankind. He made sure that he did not break the law so they could not arrest him... three pieces of men's clothing he must wear, and three pieces he wore. He never took a woman's name, he was always Mr. no matter what - But there he stood in all his glory - a man in a dress.
Now they listened to him, now they paid attention.
60 years later and a lifetime of fighting for equality, they still pay attention, they still listen when he speaks. This man that is arguably the father of the gay movement in Canada, founder of the first gay march in 1963, the first gay businessman's guild, the Courts of Canada and the man that through thousands of handwritten letters convinced our government to decriminalize homosexuality. This man who is known and loved across Canada, Mr. ted northe.
Bullying... are we missing something?
05/13/13 2:53 pm
We are all
well to aware of bullying and the impact that it has on our youth,
far too often leading to tragedy and loss of life. Bullying
has quickly become the hot topic in media and with governments that
are working on legislating protection.
All of
this exposure and attention are good things, they are highlighting
an issue that for years was simply viewed as "kids being
kids". The advancement of the Internet and in particular
social media has provided would-be-bullies with a new outlet
to participate in thew action of bullying. In many
cases the anonymity of the virtual world has opened the doors to
people becoming bullies who would otherwise not engage in this
behavior.
We focus
on bullying as an activity conducted by people against another
because that is what it is. Bullying is a
behavior. Is it possible however that in our focus
on the act of bullying we are neglecting to understand and
address the underlying reason behind why people bully
others?
It is
believed by some experts that bullies engage in the behavior to
experience a "thrill" or a sense of power power over another
person. That the behavior is a symptom of other issues, such
as a lack of self esteem in themselves, or a need to feel some form
of control due to a lack of it in other aspects of their
lives.
Regardless
of the reason for why someone bullies another, perhaps we need to
look at educating our youth more effectively on understanding the
rights of others. In the end, is that not what bullying
really is? The act of one person suppressing the rights of
another or punishing them because they are not perceived to fit
into the "norm" which the bully feels their victim should
fit?
In the
end, is this really not all about human rights? Our own
individual rights to live our lives free of persecution and
discrimination because we do not conform to another persons view of
who we should be? I once heard it said that when a
person attacks another it is because of fear. Fear
of the unknown, or fear of what they do not understand. In
some cases even that they see some of themselves in that other
person and it is a characteristic that they do not like about
themself and are afraid of it being exposed to society in
themselves.
Many of
the Stop Bullying campaigns work to educate our youth on why
bullying is wrong, how to stop bullying, how to spot bullying,
etc. All of which is valuable information. Perhaps we
need to expand the level of education to include why human rights
are so fundamentally important, and teaching our youth to celebrate
differences.
If we can
show young people the value of diversity and help them to accept
people for who they are, and show them that it is our differences
that make us a strong society, perhaps they will better understand
why bullying is wrong. After all, we each of us have
strengths and weaknesses, a bully preys on our weaknesses and uses
them to their own advantage.
Q Hall of Fame comes to Toronto
05/02/13 8:46 pm
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Nominations.
All inductees into the Q Hall of Fame are selected by an independent committee from nominations made by members of our community. We encourage you to take part and nominate your hero for induction into the Q Hall of Fame.» Nominate.
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